Have you considered adoption?

I was at the Baptism of a friend’s daughter last weekend.  The sparkling light in that new mother’s eyes as she gazed upon her adopted child had no comparison – what joy!

Children are a gift from God and that means an unmerited one that depends totally on him to grant, if and when he chooses.  Sometimes he does not and he knows best.  Have you considered adoption?

Motherless Babies Homes are filled to capacity with beautiful babies whose mothers either do not want to, or cannot keep.  They need the love that only yearnings such as yours can give; and that spark of which I spoke earlier, I am sure to see in your eyes too.   Go for it!

 

 

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The piece above was expanded at the request of a Nigerian Daily and published as below:

I was at the baptism of a friend’s daughter last weekend. The sparkling light in the new mother’s eyes as she gazed upon her adopted child had no comparison. Why are many other couples not considering adoption?

Churches and prayer houses have special sessions to petition for “Fruits of the womb” because many marriages are considered incomplete until and unless the wife gets pregnant and is delivered of a child. It is right that a child be considered the “fruit” of a marriage for it is at the very least an external manifestation of the consummation of a love between a man and a woman, and in some way a “personification” of that love made tangible in another human being. There is something so powerful about having a child. Just ask any first time mother or father. And yet it remains a “gift”, which means that it depends on the generosity of the giver and not on the merits of the recipient. Those who believe in God acknowledge Him to be the source of that gift. Would he have reasons to deny it to some for reasons best known to him? It would seem to be the case.

What pressures families go through when that “fruit” delays in coming! Mothers-in-law and the often-ignominious roles they play in these scenarios, but that is another chapter! Many are the cases of disappointed would-be grandmas telling either their daughters or daughters-in-law, to “do something?” if she must save her marriage. The woman is made to believe that until she bears a child of her own, her position in her husband’s house is not secure, and best can be likened to a tenancy whose expiration date is coming closer with each passing minute. How many husbands have been witnesses to the many nights of tears of their wives, often soaking her pillow with silent tears and sobs with that eternal question of “Why me, dear God? Oh dear God, give me a child!” The husband is not spared pressures either, spoken or otherwise, for having a child may unwittingly be an appraisal of his virility, and that, is the best-case scenario. In the worst case one, he may be tempted to consider it the fault of his wife that they do not have a child. “Who knows what she did with her life in the past, eh?” Village-trouble knows no limit and soon it will be his turn to hear the question: “Won’t you do something?” What do they expect him to do? Do away with his wife? Marry another woman? Find fault in his wife as an excuse to considering the marriage a “nullity” a priori?

When a child is lacking, the husband and the wife are perpetually on the defensive in their mutual relationship with one another, for fear that one may interpret the other’s behaviour as a reaction to the lack of a child. Should the husband ill-treat the wife, she may reason that it is “because I have not given him a child”. I bet this can also be frustrating for the well-intentioned husband who loves his wife to distraction no matter what. “I love her; can’t she see that”? Sure, but in the light of the pressures from society and from the extended family, it is still possible to ask how many husbands do enough to protect their wives from these pressures.

And yet, there are many babies being born every day and being abandoned by their own mothers, and we are speaking of babies allowed to get to term and be delivered because some are not that lucky. All they need is the love and yearning that only one who has truly searched can give. Motherless babies homes are filled to capacity with beautiful babies whose mothers either do not want to, or cannot keep.

And that spark of which I spoke earlier, I am sure to see in the eyes of the mother and father who adopts one of these beautiful tots. Why are families not taking this option?

Until you make up your mind to adopt a baby a day old, a week old, you will only have your imagination as support that it is “not the same thing”. How do you know? I know many, many families who have taken this route and what joy it has brought to their homes. I know what else you might be thinking. What if later on God grants me to get pregnant with my “own” child, will I not love the adopted one less? Again, there are many real life cases that will also show that when the desire for a child is genuine want of a subject on which to shower love, instead of a mere affirmation of virility, it will not matter.

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And some comments from readers:

Posted by hC on Jun 01 2011

I quite agree, my brother. Thank you.

Posted by Omo Alhaja on Jun 01 2011

It took me almost 5 years to persuade my Madam that it’s not about “9- months-carry-pikin”. Rather it’s all about “22-years-raising-responsible- pikin”. She finally relented (later on she confessed I was trying to bring in an outside pikin!), a few years ago she visited a motherless babies of her choice, a most delightful burst of sunshine entered our home and we now have 3 fantastic children. As this recent addition to our blessings grows up, na so my credit just dey increase. I testify to the complete truth of this article.

Posted by Ayoka on Jun 01 2011

Well written, but it is not for the wife to consider. It is for the husband to agree.

Posted by ravenmortal on Jun 01 2011

Well timed article. I suggest however, that the title should have read -“Husbands and Wives, Have You Considered Adoption?”. In many cases I have witnessed, men are just as reluctant to consider adoption, if not in fact the lead opposition.

Posted by mrs ochons on Jun 01 2011

well written! a close friend of mine adopted a baby after waiting for ten years. She confessed that she wished she had considered it earlier. i support adoption too. Infact i have seen cases of people who adopt children and later conceive. I think the society needs to enlighten people more. WHat matters most is the couple making the decision. If it makes them happy, then who cares what the world says? A beautiful child has found a home and the new parents are happy. What else matters???

Posted by mrs ochons on Jun 01 2011

@Omo Alhaja: what a good testimony! i also agree that the article should have been titled as ravenmortal suggested.

Posted by Eby on Jun 01 2011

Thank God for this adoption saga, it has made many families proud and have lessen the tussle in the lives of the child-less couples. I would rather go for adoption than going for another wife. Many families were blessed after adopting a child and peace came into many families afterwards.

Posted by Baba Mero on Jun 01 2011

My wife and I adopted after having two biological children of our own. Our daughter has been a blessing to our family, and nobody knows the difference. We love her just the same as the others.

Posted by lizi on Jun 01 2011

My friend at work adopted a baby girl early this year. In fact she resummed from maternity leave a few days ago. I found it funny, but she it make her so happy. So who cares, if that gives you joy and fufilment? If I didn’t have ennough of biological children, I’d go it.

Posted by TATA on Jun 01 2011

just advise the the adopted child that he should stay away from chieftaincy tussles in your village…

Posted by Doo on Jun 01 2011

Omo Alhaji now I have tears in my eyes . God bless you and the wife so much still crying

Posted by trueblue on Jun 01 2011

Thanks for this article. In this environment , it is mostly the men who oppose. Yes, Omo alhaja you speak my language. Thanks to you and your wife for doing what even some so called born again men refuse to. God bless you and all your children. Amen.

45 thoughts on “Have you considered adoption?”

  1. Tnx ginger…. but please can I give up my baby quietly without all these long processes cos I don’t really think I have a lot of time since I’m in the 8th month already…..if there’s anyone interested here u can contact me for a discreet adoption first Bt afterwards we will also make it legal by going through all lawful arrangement.08121442514.thanks

    1. I will make further enquiries. Adoption is not an easy thing and although needs and urgencies vary, past events have made it necessary for the process to be regulated. There have been abuses on both sides too.

      For the mother giving up the baby for adoption, I have known cases of people changing their minds later, and then going to the new parents to ask for the child back. This is traumatic for everyone involved. To prevent this, some agencies protect the identity of the new parents, and so forth. Anyhow I’m in support of giving up the poor baby for adoption rather than killing the innocent one.

      So Irene, I will make a call and get back to you.

  2. my name is Tina pls I want to put up my baby for adoption I will be due any time soon this month infact in few days time. pls reply urgently.

      1. Hello, as a couple I and hubby are 4yrs in marriage and no issue yet. Though he has a son out of wedlock who we cater for. We want to adopt a baby, we called the youth ministry in alausa and we were told there is an embargo on adoption since June last year.

        Pls pls how possible is it now plus I will be clocking 30 in a few months and I want “my” baby in my arms then. My email is:

        Hoping to hear from u soonest.

        Abimbola.

  3. Good day,

    I have been married for 13 years now without any child, can we get a child within 3-4weeks old to adopt.

    Please help if you can. Am anxiously waiting for your reply. God bless you.

    Prisca Uzoma

        1. Hi, I’ve replied your mail, including there how to contact a trusted and effective adoption agency I know in Lagos. Call her, tell her from Ginger. She’ll help you. Good luck and do let us know how it goes.

  4. I have been married for 5yrs now with no child yet and we are seriously considering adoption. Pls how can we go about it, can we get a baby of less than three weeks and is there a way the adoption can be done without people knowing?

  5. Felt so good when i came across this tonight. Looking to go adopt a child or two, cannot wait now. Would anyone know how long it takes???

  6. Hi, I know of a couple struggling to conceive, and are looking into adopting, can you give me more details on how to in Nigeria?

    1. Hi cupcakes, please send me an email using the address in “About Ginger” and I’ll give you the phone number of a woman in Lagos who may be able to help. Regards.

  7. Hello everyone, a young reader of this blog who is 7-months pregnant, has just made contact expressing the desire to put up her baby for adoption. She is a student.

    Naturally, there are legal procedures to follow, but this message is to let you know and should you be interested, do get in touch.

    1. Hello Martha, please see the reply I made to Jane above. If you need more help, I could put you in touch with someone. Kindly send me an email ginger AT writingpad dot org

    1. Hi, I asked someone who's been helping people here in Lagos. I understand you have to make a visit to the Ministry of Youths, at ALAUSA (Room 5). It helps if you've scouted the Motherless babies homes and already have a choice in mind. It also helps if both spouses are on the 'same page' on the adoption as harmony is one of the requirements of the Ministry. If someone has more information of process, kindly share, thanks.

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