Children are a gift from God and that means an unmerited one that depends totally on him to grant, if and when he chooses. Sometimes he does not and he knows best. Have you considered adoption?
Motherless Babies Homes are filled to capacity with beautiful babies whose mothers either do not want to, or cannot keep. They need the love that only yearnings such as yours can give; and that spark of which I spoke earlier, I am sure to see in your eyes too. Go for it!
The piece above was expanded at the request of a Nigerian Daily and published as below:
I was at the baptism of a friend’s daughter last weekend. The sparkling light in the new mother’s eyes as she gazed upon her adopted child had no comparison. Why are many other couples not considering adoption?
Churches and prayer houses have special sessions to petition for “Fruits of the womb” because many marriages are considered incomplete until and unless the wife gets pregnant and is delivered of a child. It is right that a child be considered the “fruit” of a marriage for it is at the very least an external manifestation of the consummation of a love between a man and a woman, and in some way a “personification” of that love made tangible in another human being. There is something so powerful about having a child. Just ask any first time mother or father. And yet it remains a “gift”, which means that it depends on the generosity of the giver and not on the merits of the recipient. Those who believe in God acknowledge Him to be the source of that gift. Would he have reasons to deny it to some for reasons best known to him? It would seem to be the case.
What pressures families go through when that “fruit” delays in coming! Mothers-in-law and the often-ignominious roles they play in these scenarios, but that is another chapter! Many are the cases of disappointed would-be grandmas telling either their daughters or daughters-in-law, to “do something?” if she must save her marriage. The woman is made to believe that until she bears a child of her own, her position in her husband’s house is not secure, and best can be likened to a tenancy whose expiration date is coming closer with each passing minute. How many husbands have been witnesses to the many nights of tears of their wives, often soaking her pillow with silent tears and sobs with that eternal question of “Why me, dear God? Oh dear God, give me a child!” The husband is not spared pressures either, spoken or otherwise, for having a child may unwittingly be an appraisal of his virility, and that, is the best-case scenario. In the worst case one, he may be tempted to consider it the fault of his wife that they do not have a child. “Who knows what she did with her life in the past, eh?” Village-trouble knows no limit and soon it will be his turn to hear the question: “Won’t you do something?” What do they expect him to do? Do away with his wife? Marry another woman? Find fault in his wife as an excuse to considering the marriage a “nullity” a priori?
When a child is lacking, the husband and the wife are perpetually on the defensive in their mutual relationship with one another, for fear that one may interpret the other’s behaviour as a reaction to the lack of a child. Should the husband ill-treat the wife, she may reason that it is “because I have not given him a child”. I bet this can also be frustrating for the well-intentioned husband who loves his wife to distraction no matter what. “I love her; can’t she see that”? Sure, but in the light of the pressures from society and from the extended family, it is still possible to ask how many husbands do enough to protect their wives from these pressures.
And yet, there are many babies being born every day and being abandoned by their own mothers, and we are speaking of babies allowed to get to term and be delivered because some are not that lucky. All they need is the love and yearning that only one who has truly searched can give. Motherless babies homes are filled to capacity with beautiful babies whose mothers either do not want to, or cannot keep.
And that spark of which I spoke earlier, I am sure to see in the eyes of the mother and father who adopts one of these beautiful tots. Why are families not taking this option?
Until you make up your mind to adopt a baby a day old, a week old, you will only have your imagination as support that it is “not the same thing”. How do you know? I know many, many families who have taken this route and what joy it has brought to their homes. I know what else you might be thinking. What if later on God grants me to get pregnant with my “own” child, will I not love the adopted one less? Again, there are many real life cases that will also show that when the desire for a child is genuine want of a subject on which to shower love, instead of a mere affirmation of virility, it will not matter.
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And some comments from readers:
Thanks for this article. In this environment , it is mostly the men who oppose. Yes, Omo alhaja you speak my language. Thanks to you and your wife for doing what even some so called born again men refuse to. God bless you and all your children. Amen.