The Cross does not explain. If it explains it would not be a cross.
The Cross is dark; there is no light at the end of it. It is the end. There is no hope. That is the Cross. The Cross is heavy. The Cross is the last. That is why it is the Cross.
If I can explain the Cross, if I can see the light and where the Cross is leading, it will not be a Cross, for then I will know…
But Christianity gives me hope. So the Cross…does promise… light? I don’t see it; not when I am carrying it.
The Cross is not useful – not when you’re carrying it. No, it is so unpleasant, so heavy that the carrier does not and cannot see any usefulness – understandably so.
Lord, “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me”? Jesus, the Father abandoned you during the Agony. You felt lonely. May I come to you to share in misery when I will feel lonely. Why did your Father who love you so much leave you alone? My God my God why have you forsaken me? No sound, no reply. Your prayer Jesus was not answered. God the Father was silent. He was quiet. He left you ‘to your own devices’.
And then you got up on your own. You raised yourself up without his help (wait, but He did send an angel to console you…). But the agony was still there. The sufferings you saw ahead were still there and they had to be suffered. You have to face them. Because that is what the Father wants you to do.
And then you said: “If this cup cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done”. My Jesus, I don’t have the strength to say this but help me say it. I have to say it. I said it yesterday but now I am feeling desolate. I have been feeling desolate and you are silent.
Lord, send me your mother. She too has been quiet. Mother… remember. Remember. Never was it known…My Lady. Please come… and show yourself a mother to me.